Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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