Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i love accidental penises.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
