I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
