Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
