I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
