We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
