Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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