the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
