i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
