There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Randomize
