lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
