dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
