I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
