i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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