TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
