you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
