I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
