in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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