Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
