he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
