and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
