dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
