you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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