I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
