you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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