I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I'm bleeding and have questions
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
