I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize