if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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