Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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