if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Me. At least after what I've been through.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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