All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
