if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
