i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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