I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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