porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
