those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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