my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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