i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
