The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
