I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
