Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
