There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
You made out with two different species that night
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
