i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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