It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
