i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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