the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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