Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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