This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
