I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
