He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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