and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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