Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
My ass is underappreciated
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
