Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
